bliss...

As if you really saw me...

In the movie version of Wilder's Our Town, the character Emily looks back on her life and while looking back at her 16th birthday pleads, "Mama, look at me as if you really saw me."  Whew - what a way to shake me to the core and give me a little life wake-up call. 

Hearing this line, coupled with my own 11 year old son commenting that Monday was his favorite day of the week, "Because it's the one night of the week when we don't have to go anywhere [no sports practices or extracurriculars for any family member] and we can all have dinner together" - did a little number on me.  Needless to say, my priorities shifted.  I feel as if I am constantly trying to strive to find that balance between running on the treadmill and living life day by day.  I have never been one to live a rote life nor make the same thing for dinner week after week (let alone in the same year).  I balk at weekly routines and barely have a daily routine as each day brings such a diverse schedule.  I try to open my life to possibilities but with that openness comes the inability to say "no" or to stop and smell the magnolias.

You might have noticed that my last post was in February and now we are quickly diving into April.  March was a bust.  It was the worst month for deadlines for my work and added to that was a mini-vacation with the husband and spring break week with the kids. 

Despite the craziness of March, I really tried living in the moment.  I told myself reapetdly to pay attention.  I tried not to sweat the little things (like dog hair tufts floating amongst the kitchen tile).  I spent hours reading to my kids (rather than tidying up).  I focused on being present...alert...and looking my sweet loves in the eye...as if I really "saw" them.

Next up...learning how to say no, graciously. ;) 

loving unconditionally...like a dog

My dog, Buddy, thinks I am the bee's knees.  He is SO elated to see me when we have been apart (even after he's merely gone outside to relieve himself in the morning for a few minutes).  He loves unconditionally (even when I forget he's outside relieving himself and he sits patiently waiting in the rain for me to notice him).  He easily forgives (he's quick to love up against us if we accidentally stumble on him).  He showers us with affection (kisses and licks are distributed to all).  He asks for so little and is thoroughly appreciative and grateful when he gets even the slightest crumb or moment of attention.  He never complains.  He politely brushes his paw against you when he wants a little treat or nibble.  He jumps through hoops to please us.  He looks up at me with the happiest of hearts.  He finds great happiness in the simple things in life (his blue raquetballs).  He's the first on the scene when someone is crying to kiss away tears.

Wouldn't it be it be fabulous if I could be the kind of person that my dog thinks I am?  (The best!)

Better yet, I wish that I could be the kind of person that my dog is to me to all those that I love and care about - loving freely, forgiving easily, loving with excitement and showering those I know with affection, showing appreciation,and loving unconditionally.

love notes...

I'd like to think that at one time we all have received a note or letter at some point in our lives that we have saved...either actually, physically saved or mentally tucked it away in our memory bank.  I am a sucker for love notes and letters of appreciation and have saved many, many notes, letters and cards over the years from parents, grandparents, friends, boyfriends/husband and the sweet, mispelled early writings/notes of my children.  I LOVE words - especially those packed with heartfelt thoughts and feelings. 

I always tell my family members that a homemade card or handwritten letter/note is the best gift that they can ever make or give me and I mean it!  My sweet husband learned how much I treasure the homemade card when we were first dating and he ventured into a scrapbook store for the first time (okay, he's going to be cringing when he reads this) and proceeded to ask the women working at the store if he could have some assistance finding what he needed to make a card from scratch.  You can imagine their reaction when a man entered this type of store, unaccompanied by a woman.  I treasure this card like nobody's business!  The effort he put into making this card, the time he spent painstakingly cutting/gluing/embellishing, the embarrassment and razzing he took from his male coworkers and friends that learned of this gesture, the thought and creativity he dedicated to the project and the loving words he penned - it was the BEST!

With Valentine's Day quickly approaching, I just want to remind folks that putting your words on paper will go a LONG way.  Sure, the occasional Hallmark card can capture "exactly" what you are feeling but when it boils down to it, it's the words that you write that will be remembered and treasured most of all.  I am the girl that quickly scans the card for the handwritten words that have been added to the bottom of a store-purchased card (no pressure here, honey) and can't bear to part with the sweet little note that has been crafted and left for me if it has a reference to feelings of gratitude or an expression of feelings.

Love notes are the perfect solution for so many occasions. 

• For saying, "I'm sorry." (I messed up and I am admitting it to you on paper.)
• If your partner is going through a tough time.
• If you need to tell someone what they mean to you and for your loved ones to know that you treasure them.
• You want to declare your devotion for the person you share your life with and can't think of a creative way to do so.
• You need a quick way to keep the love alive in your relationship.
• You need to say "thank you" and share your gratitude.
• It's time to nurture your relationship.
• You want to surprise your partner.
• When you are in a relationship rut and need to spice things up a bit.

The list could go on and on and I can't think of any reason why you should NOT grab a scrap of paper right now and write a quick sentence...just a few words and leave it for your love.

Here's a few love notes that have been saved/treasured in our house:

 

How about leaving a little love note every day in a countdown to Valentine's day/your anniversary/a birthday?  Here's a few ideas you could use for little love notes for each day of the week adapted a bit from Gregory Godek:

3 reasons I love you

3 things that first attracted to me to you when we started dating

3 things that you do that make me smile

3 things I’m going to work on/change because you want me to

3 things I’m going to do this weekend to show you how much I love you

3 ideas for date nights/romantic getaways I would like to do for you

3 things I want to do for you to make your life better

3 ways I’d like to kiss you right now

Compliment your sweet love in specific ways. 

 

Daphne Rose Kingma writes,

"Compliments invite the person who is complimented to embrace a new perception of him or herself.  And just as layers and layers of nacre form a pearl over an irritating grain of sand, so compliments collect around us, developing us in all our beauty."

 

Another fun/silly take on the more serious love notes is to put a humorous little spin on your note and attach it to something that parallels what you are feeling.  For example, to a lottery ticket you would attach a note reading, "I'm the Luckiest!" (love, love, love that song by Ben Folds) or "I hit the jackpot when I found you." or "You are one in a million."  You get the drift.

 

Hot Sauce/Tabasco – "You are so hot!" or "Hot stuff!"

Tape a note to your love’s watch/alarm clock “I always have time for you." or "Time for love”

Honey pot or jar of honey, "You are the honey in my hive."

Taped to a glow stick, "You make me glow."

A bottle of Joy dishwashing liquid, "You bring me such joy."

Dreamsicle box – "You are my dream guy."

 

These might sound reminiscent of junior high romance but you'd be surprised at the reaction you get for these simple, silly gestures!

Let's keep our love alive and write a love note or two.  See what happens.  I can't imagine that it will have anything short of a happy ending. ;)

being the right mate

Long ago I heard this little saying and I have held on to the belief that the real trick is not in simply finding the right mate but in being the right mate. Relationships take love, an investment of time, patience, creativity, laughter, endurance…the list goes on and on but let’s be honest…relationships take work, hard work.

There are so many simple, thoughtful ways we can “work” on our relationships every day. I thought the following was interesting…

Ellen Kreidman created the following list of woman’s needs.

Guys:
She wants to be your first priority.
She wants you to consider her needs above everyone else’s.
She wants you to think that no other woman comes close to being as wonderful for you as she is.
She wants you to brag about her to your friends and family.
She wants you to feel proud that she’s your mate.
She wants you to prove your love.

Ladies, he wants you to:
Tell me why I make a difference.
Tell me why I matter to you.
Tell me over and over again. Don’t tell me just once. Tell me everyday of my life.
Keep complimenting me on my strengths.
I want to be your knight in armor.
I want to be your hero.

What a simple, tangible way to help meet our sweet love’s needs and reaffirm their importance in our lives.

P.S. Almost every morning, resting on the edge of my sink, is my toothbrush already covered by toothpaste by Todd. It’s such a simple little gesture but it goes such a long way in making me feel loved.

XOXO Thx T! It’s the little things that matter after all…

mystery dates

Growing up, my grandparents, “Pop & Dean” as we affectionately called them, used to frequently go on what they called a “Mystery Date”.  On the specified Friday, one of them would plan the entire day’s activities with the other spouse in mind.  The designated planner would craft the entire day/evening and merely let the other spouse know what they needed to wear and what time they would be departing.  I loved the excitement that they each would share as one grandparent truly had no idea how the day would unfold when pulling out of the driveway and the other grandparent would be tickled to start letting the mystery unfold.  They explored all sorts of destinations in Oregon that they might not have typically have checked out from the lighthouses along the coast to the Pendleton Woolen Mills.  I always told myself that I wanted to copy this idea someday and spend my retirement going on these mystery dates.

A few years ago, I was able to use my grandparent’s Mystery Date idea and surprise my sweet love Todd with a mystery trip to Seattle to see the Mariner’s play.  I planned the whole trip and told him to pack an overnight bag and hop in the car.  I actually told him he was being “kidnapped” although there was no ransom note involved. At first I told him to close his eyes but that didn’t last long (maybe next time I need a blindfold).  He had no idea where we were headed although I tried to give a few little clues along the way.   I can’t tell you how much fun I had planning the mystery.  He was a good sport for going along with the antics and was rewarded with a good game – Mariner’s won!

There’s something to be said about the premise of the Mystery Date.  You make him or her feel special and I guarantee that in return you will be made to feel special.  Get creative.  Plan a surprise.  Make today extraordinary!

bliss begins

 

Love, love, love this amazing reflection and wisdom born of experiencing and living from eighty-five year old Nadine Stair who wrote If I Had My Life to Live Over:

If I had my life to live over, I’d dare to make more mistakes next time.  I’d relax.  I’d limber up.  I would be sillier than I have been this trip.  I would take fewer things seriously.  I would take more chances.  I would take more trips.  I would climb more mountains and swim more rivers.  I would eat more ice cream and less beans.  I would perhaps have more actual troubles, but I’d have fewer imaginary ones.

 You see, I’m one of  those people who live sensible and sanely hour after hour, day after day.  Oh, I’ve had my moments and if I had it to do over again, I’d have more of them.  In fact, I’d try to have nothing else.  Just moments, one after antoher, instead of living so many years ahead of each day.  I’ve been one of those persons who never goes anywhere without a thermometer, a hot water bottle, a raincoat and a parachute.  If I had it to do again, I would travel lighter than I have.

 If I had my life to live over, I would start barefoot earlier in the spring and stay that way later in the fall.  I would go to more dances.  I would ride more merry-go-rounds.  I would pick more daisies.

There is such richness in being alive and experiencing your life fully.  We live in such a busy time and are so often running from point A to point B but joy is all around us.   It can be a challenge to find it but we really must place value and priority on being alive and infusing love into our lives.

Yesterday, we met a fellow named Dean who shared that he had lost his wife to mouth cancer.  In his effort to remind us how fleeting life can be, he also told us to seriously stop stressing about the small stuff and to simply treasure the lives that are around us.  When I say this, I mean your sweet loves, your family members, your kids, your dear friends.  He urged us to turn off the distractions (t.v., phones, computers) and sit down with that person and take them in because we never know when we won’t have that person in our life to share time with and we never want to regret missing those moments.   He shared about how he and his wife had identified the “Joy Suckers” of life and how he strives to live life now without his wife and without the “Joy Suckers”.  He wistfully described how he longed to have just one more day… 

There was not a dry eye around the room and tears were streaming down my face and it was all I could do to refrain from blubbering  and running off to scoop up my little family.   Seriously…unless you know that the clock is ticking…it is so easy to waste our lives or not place value on those who mean the most to us.  How easy it is to merely exist through our days going along and taking all our relationships for granted.

Anna Quindlen once said, “Think of life as a terminal illness, because, if you do, you will live it with joy and passion, as it ought to be lived.”

Those words changed me yesterday. 

And now…I am starting to write this blog to remind me to live in bliss (believing life is something special).  May this space be a reminder to treasure relationships first.  To make the time to stay connected.  To keep my relationships juicy (read exciting, current, fresh).  To give on-going thoughtful attention to actions that nourish relationships.  To love out loud for all the world to see.

I hope you will join me on my search to discover ways we can show our loved ones that they matter and that they are so loved in this shared lifetime.  In doing so, I think we will be teaching ourselves to live our lives to the fullest and to love this fleeting journey.

trial run

giving myself permission to write, to express, to share...

giving in to the urgency i feel to connect with the world...

to be transparent

to expose who i am...what motivates me and what brings me joy

to break all the journalism rules that i was taught in college and write freely without worry

with the hopes that i may touch one person...make one person's life better...transform one relationship from ordinary to extraordinary on one day...in one life...one relationship

that i can laugh with all the friends who have teased me for being a hopeless romantic for the past few decades and show them that it's the little things that make the biggest difference

this all started in professor ryan's journalism class when we were asked to create a mock-up of a magazine...complete with the name, headlines, sample articles - you get the drift.  being the romantic that i was (yes, i still am) i wanted to follow my passion and create a magazine about relationships and romance and LOVE!  i titled my magazine b.l.i.s.s. - with the acronym standing for belieiving love is something special.

here i am several decades past that fateful creation (which i do still have) feeling that burning desire to hatch that little egg in some way, shape or form.  so here it is...in all its' infancy ready to share with the world with a few tweaks and much greater resolve about what it means to love...to live and to strive to live a life less ordinary with the belief that life is something special...bliss

my heart is still open...and i desire to make the lives of those around me better...and i don't claim to be an expert...just someone still wildly interested in love, loving, relationships and i will try to tell you everything i know with the hopes that i can learn from you